Reality Hits

Over the years and not unique to me I am sure, I have had these moments when reality hits like a ton of bricks. Sometimes, I even think I feel the brick hit me upside the head but thankfully I am not knocked out (at least I don't think I am). Tonight included one of these moments. Victor is usually the one that says "Melissa, Zachary is ready for use to tuck him in and say his prayers" and then we both go in his room sometimes together and sometimes on our own to kiss him, recite his prayer and say goodnight. Tonight Victor was settled in to a spot where his back is in the least amount of pain and I was working in the kitchen. I realized that it was that time of night that we usually go into Zachary's room for our night time prayers so I went to his room and saw that he had already fallen asleep. I kneeled beside his bed staring at the sweet boy who is no longer a little boy but growing into a young man way too fast for me. Still kneeling beside him with my hand on his sweet face, I said his prayer (the one he has said since I can remember) over him as he laid there so peacefully:

"Dear Jesus, Thank you for this day. Stay in my heart and from my head to my toes. In Jesus name we pray....Amen."

I kissed his forehead and left his room with those bricks hitting me in the head as the reality that he cannot stay little forever even though life for him as a child would be so much easier than that of an adult. Yes, that is the reality that I see. After all, isn't life as a child easier for anybody? And even more so for someone with a disability? But...I cannot keep him young, stunt his physical growth or even lie about his age. However, I can remember the baby he was and look foward to the life WE will have with him as a teenager, young adult, grown man, etc. while helping him each step of the way.

My prayer tonight as I go to sleep will be:

"Dear Jesus, Thank you for these days and for the days to come. Stay in my heart and the hearts of my family and all those who meet them now and in the future. In Jesus name we pray. Amen."

Connecting the Dots

After being asked to sit down for an interview that would produce the content for the "Faith Under Fire" column written monthly by a close friend who already knew a lot of the little pieces of our puzzle, I prayed that my heart would find words that reflected the thankfulness and joy that I feel but not mask the pain and loneliness that was present before faith was found.

Since the article went to print, we have received messages from countless family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. It was easy to tell the diversity of contexts in which they read the story and have shared their messages with us. After reading the fourth or fifth message, I realized that each time, portions of the lyrics below were going through my head hours later.

1st: "now I'm found"
2nd: "now I see"
3rd: "my fears relieved"
4th: "my chains are gone"
5th: "unending love"
6th & final: "the Lord has promised good to me"
and then a whisper probably not the exact translation of what God said: "Nough Said!"

Once again, God knew it was time for me to be able to sit down in my impromptu free therapy session with Dianne Howell and tell the story from beginning to present. Sitting for three hours to share over 13 years of events that turned into a game of connecting the dots caused some tears to be shed for the first time and "re shed" for the 100th, old wounds to resurface, and visions of lost memories to enter my heart and mind. While this may sound painful at first glance, this game of connecting the dots opened up a whole new and exciting chapter of our lives as a family of five. New roles to play, paths to chart, goals to conquer, etc.

Thank you to our God, our family, our Church, and our friends for helping us at each dot....

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

For my out of town friends and family: http://www.bluetoad.com/publication/?i=51327

Has it really been a year?

So much has happened and I will soon post our annual Christmas letter. Until that time, here are some pictures so you can see how much these three blessings we call children have changed.

http://www.kristinmosura.com/mel/