Over the years and not unique to me I am sure, I have had these moments when reality hits like a ton of bricks. Sometimes, I even think I feel the brick hit me upside the head but thankfully I am not knocked out (at least I don't think I am). Tonight included one of these moments. Victor is usually the one that says "Melissa, Zachary is ready for use to tuck him in and say his prayers" and then we both go in his room sometimes together and sometimes on our own to kiss him, recite his prayer and say goodnight. Tonight Victor was settled in to a spot where his back is in the least amount of pain and I was working in the kitchen. I realized that it was that time of night that we usually go into Zachary's room for our night time prayers so I went to his room and saw that he had already fallen asleep. I kneeled beside his bed staring at the sweet boy who is no longer a little boy but growing into a young man way too fast for me. Still kneeling beside him with my hand on his sweet face, I said his prayer (the one he has said since I can remember) over him as he laid there so peacefully:
"Dear Jesus, Thank you for this day. Stay in my heart and from my head to my toes. In Jesus name we pray....Amen."
I kissed his forehead and left his room with those bricks hitting me in the head as the reality that he cannot stay little forever even though life for him as a child would be so much easier than that of an adult. Yes, that is the reality that I see. After all, isn't life as a child easier for anybody? And even more so for someone with a disability? But...I cannot keep him young, stunt his physical growth or even lie about his age. However, I can remember the baby he was and look foward to the life WE will have with him as a teenager, young adult, grown man, etc. while helping him each step of the way.
My prayer tonight as I go to sleep will be:
"Dear Jesus, Thank you for these days and for the days to come. Stay in my heart and the hearts of my family and all those who meet them now and in the future. In Jesus name we pray. Amen."
1 comment:
My dear friend,
I think most of us would love to keep our children little if for nothing else to keep them safe and protect them from the harsh realities in life. You are a wonderful mom and I have no doubt that your children will grow to have all the resources they need to be successful in life because you will make sure of it. When looking out into the unknown of the future and knowing that I do not know what to give or teach my kids to help them nativagate life, I think that all there must be is love. We cannot direct their paths or predict their futures but we can love them now and love them forever. After all, I think your parents would have given anything to protect you from your heartache and pain and yet that is the place of your beauty and growth. Yet their love is what sustains you. I am so proud to call you friend. You have allowed your heart to soften and not become hard and bitter...you are successful beyond measure and your children are lucky to have you. I love you.
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