Events or Routines – Bugs or Dust

Events or Routines – Bugs or Dust

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

So many times I have been asked “Don’t you wish you could record everything that is going on inside Zachary’s mind?” Actually, I wish I could crawl in his brain and see what he sees, think what he thinks, and know what he knows. Even if it were just for one calendar year so that I could understand what triggers him to do certain things every year with no prompting by us and see how he sees the dust particles floating in the air that no one else can see but insists they are bugs.

After finally being given a name to associate Zachary’s delays and “quirky” behaviors with, I went on a mad dash to research all that I could. Why I bought multiple books that all said the same thing, I have no idea but I do know that it made me feel in control. I was so excited to read that autistic individuals like routines and things in an orderly fashion and may have shouted “me too me too.” Then there is the they don’t like crowds which I am certain prompted me to declare “yes! No parades necessary. I will hang with Zachary at the house.” But what are routines? Before being the mother of my autistic son, Zachary, routines were pretty much narrowed down to daily and maybe weekly. Get up, get ready, go to work, come home, go to bed and repeat the rest of the week, enjoy the weekend and start all over on Monday. Routines for Zachary definitely consist of what we all consider routines but as each year passes, I am more and more convinced for him the routines are events. Like the picture above…why is Zachary carrying around the Gulf Shores book in January? Why in late July does he start asking about his backpack? Or in October, he repeats “Thanksgiving Vacation” over and over again? You would think we have a large calendar posted in the house or that he carries one with him. I cannot explain it but he just knows what time of year it is and begins to prepare his body and mind for what is to come. Maybe I better take his cue and start those beach vacation workout videos!

Deeper readings of the details of autism caused a reaction that was more like “wow…how cool is that! I wish I could…” Of course there is the Rainman characteristics so vividly portrayed in the movie like counting the toothpicks and memorizing the phonebook in a matter of minutes. But the one that has stuck in my head and baffled me was something I first read in Temple Grandin’s book Thinking in Pictures. She explains that household electricity turns on and off sixty times each second and some autistic people see each instance of turning on and off. Are you kidding me? I am pretty certain that if I saw the lights turning on and off at a rapid fire rate, I would have a meltdown of epic (even though that is one of the 2010 overused words, it fits) proportions. But what about my Zachary? Is he one of the people who can see it? How would I know? When he was four or five years old, I remember bringing him to Benton High School with me one summer and was so nervous because all he wanted to do was turn the lights on and off repeatedly in Mr. Smith’s (my Principal) office while standing in the chair. Off course, Mr. Smith allowed him to do it and like me had no idea why he was so intent on turning them on and off 100 times. I for sure did not associate this activity with being able to see the lights flicker on and off 60 times every second.

But what about dust particles – you know…the kind you and I can typically only see when the sun light shines through your window? I am embarrassed to admit that I cannot tell you how many months (maybe years) we listened to Zachary proclaim there were bugs in some part of the house only to follow him to investigate to find no bugs. He would point and we would see anything. I would even get the bug spray and spray a little bit to try and appease him temporarily. After at least two dozen bug expeditions, we started to just say “Zach, there are no bugs.” Again I am embarrassed to admit that while there were never any bugs or anything resembling them to be seen by our eyes, to Zachary’s eyes there were an infinite number to be seen. No…not the kind that bite, sting, crawl or fly. But the kind that can only be seen by “typical people” when the sun’s rays enter through a window.